In a recent coaching session, a business client brought up a challenging work situation they were dealing with and how overwhelmed it was making them feel. Given the unprecedented times we find ourselves in at the moment with Covid 19 et al, being overwhelmed and the resulting stress and anxiety is something I’m sure that we can all relate to in some shape or form.
A very useful approach we worked on that helped to reduce their stress, anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed was using the C.I.A method [Control | Influence | Accept/Adapt]. It’s a simple model but very powerful.
So how do you use the C.I.A. model. You start by asking yourself the following questions . . . . . .
- Question 1 : What are the elements in this situation that you can CONTROL using your skills and knowledge?
- Question 2 : If there are elements that you cannot control, what can you INFLUENCE in a positive way?
- Question 3 : If you cannot control or influence elements, how can you ACCEPT and ADAPT to them?
Working through the three questions will go a long way in helping you to gain perspective around the challenges facing you.
The last question is often the most difficult to get comfortable with. Some clients consider accepting or adapting to be a form of “giving up”. However, if you have identified and actioned what you can control and influence, what’s left is the reality of what needs to be accepted and adapted to. Accepting in this context is a sign of resilience and clear thinking. Resisting what needs to be accepted and adapted to leads to increased stress, anxiety and frustration. It’s in this space we need to battle our “shoulds”.
I should . . . .
You should . . . . .
They should . . . . . . .
It should . . . . . . . .
And so on.
Viktor Frankl, author of Mans Search For Meaning summed it up perfectly when he said
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
We have the freedom and power to choose our response to any situation we find ourselves in
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. | Viktor Frankl
Stressing about what cannot be controlled or influenced drains your energy. Control what you can control. Influence what you can influence. Accept and adapt to the rest.