In a previous blog, I wrote about introducing moments of silence into our work and non-work conversations. We are a great nation of talkers with the “gift of the gab”.
I wonder could we become a great nation of listeners?
There are three basic levels of listening : Internal Listening, Focused Listening and Global Listening. For the purposes of todays blog, I’ll focus on the first two.
At the internal listening level, the focus is on ourselves. We are listening to the other person but really our focus is on “what does it mean to me”? So it’s more about our own thoughts, feelings and our analysis. Very often we are thinking about the next point we want to make to the other person.
There is a lot of value in moving from Internal Listening to the next level of Focused Listening. Here our focus is completely on the other person. We are acutely aware of their words, emotions, expressions and so on. We are fully focussed on what they are saying and how they are saying it. It’s at this level that most coaching work takes place and it’s very powerful.
When we engage in focussed listening, it significantly builds rapport with the other person and it demonstrates our understanding and empathy. Real conversations start to open up. We get to understand where the other person is really coming from and we move away from assuming we know what they are trying to say.
So how do we listen actively?
- We give our full attention to the other person
- We ask clarifying questions when we need to
- We repeat back points that the person has made to show we are listening to them and hear what they are saying.
- We share our observations on what we have heard
- We summarize what we have heard and get confirmation that we have heard them correctly
So in your next conversation in work and / or at home, try to engage in focussed, active listening. Really listen to the other person and work to fully and clearly understand what they are saying. Your relationship with the other person will be all the better for it.